For today's message, I thought about the many clients I have counseled and coached over the years. As we all tend to struggle living life assertively, we human beings have a bad habit of placing too much importance on the opinions of others at our own expense, individuality, autonomy, growth, and development. Although it is important to consider the feelings of others so as to not intentionally step on their toes or be unfair to them, we sometimes concede to their unreasonable and unrealistic demands resulting in sacrificing our needs and dreams. When we do this, we inevitably create a win-lose or lose-lose situation. Either they win and we lose or both of us end up losing in the end. When we concede, we give our power over to them.
Here are some suggestions I believe will help you find yourself and create more win-win situations for yourself and others important in your life:
- Nurture your dreams and aspirations.
- Believe in your ability to overcome obstacles and find your own way.
- Truly accept and embrace yourself in all its wonderfulness, quirkiness, imperfections, and fallibility.
- Live life and your relationships and work more authentically and assertively.
- Worry less and live more.
- Learn how to say no to the unreasonable demands and expectations of others.
- Be fair and reasonable in your own demands and expectations of others.
- Make healthy and adaptive choices in life, work, and relationships.
"To find yourself, think for yourself" is the quintessential mantra and anthem for the authentic self. Just remember that to think for yourself is not to act selfishly and intentionally step on the toes of others. It's about having the confidence in yourself to form your own opinions about yourself, decide what is important, valuable, and meaningful in your life, and act in your own best interest. It's about not giving in to the unfair and unjust opinions or unreasonable demands and expectations of others who believe it is their right to make your decisions and influence your opinions. The people who had placed such unreasonable demands and expectations (either intentionally or unintentionally) will soon discover that they have to let go of their power, control, and influence over you and find their own path to happiness. And those who really matter will hopefully accept, love, nurture, and respect the wonderful you.
So think for yourself so that you can truly find yourself. Be that wonderful human being who is aching and screaming to get out. And when you find yourself, embrace your SELF wholeheartedly. You will discover the beauty of living your life authentically and with a greater sense of individuality, autonomy, self-acceptance, and self-respect. And that is definitely a win-win.
